What if...

So my last post I talked about making Today the Greatest day ever. So now my question is... What if today is not the greatest, farthest from the greatest, in fact, what if today is just a really terrible day? Then what? Some days you wake up, and its a wonderful day just from the start. Sometimes the sky is blue and you are just happy as can be without even having a worry. Sometimes you wake up and the sky is gloomy... you cant find the sun and the joy that comes with it. You tend to just want to lie in your bed and watch TV and focus on how crummy your life may be at that very moment. You cant think about the good. All you can think about in that very instant is how horrible things have become. I've had my fair share of these days... especially recently. When you move to a new town where the only person you know is your Mom... things can be kind of.. well... pathetic. Life can get pathetic and it can really drag you down. Outside of little old Utah its not easy to make new friends. People in the church here have known each other for years and don't seem very interested in meeting somebody new. Outside of the church worlds seem to revolve around alcohol. So trying to keep that temptation out of my mind my abilities to meet new people are very limited. Some people may look at those rough days where I want to stay in bed as me being "depressed." And yes the attitude behind it is very depressing. You feel very low about yourself and the world in those moments. But the truth is... those few days where you let your struggle get the best of you are not the days that label you as being "depressed." The truth is depression is an everyday struggle; not a once every other week struggle.
   I feel like many people don't understand the true side of depression. People see the instance described above and then label someone as being depressed. They may be down and just needing a friend or need some joy in their life but that alone is not what creates depression. Depression is waking up in the morning and having to convince yourself to get out of bed. Not because you want to wallow all day long... but because you cant stand the thought (sometimes) of living through another day. I'm not saying anything about wanting to harm yourself. That side of things is a whole other story. But it is waking up, getting ready, going to work, coming home, and going to bed. Making sure your smiling during the day so people see you and think how happy of a person you are. Sometimes you have to be careful not to over exaggerate happiness so people don't get suspicious. It is engaging in conversations you don't have a care in the world for; only because that's what normal people do. It is going home at night and eating dinner.... not because you're hungry but because you know your body needs you to. Its going to the gym and out to dinner and doing whatever you need to so the people around you don't worry. Its pushing through the pain, pushing through the scars just to make it through another day. At the end of the night, you lie in bed and think "yes one more day down." You cant think too much of tomorrow because its too overwhelming. All you can think about is today. You made it through today! Congratulations. There are different kinds of depression. For me... its the kind where as long as I do everything the way I think it should be done. Nobody will ever know. Not unless I want them to. But deep down I know Ill  be okay. As long as I just keep going. Keep taking it one day at a time. As long as I keep this up I can be okay. So the answer to my own question is... when today is not the greatest, farthest from the greatest, just really terrible day.... keep on going. No matter what you are dealing with now. No matter how hard life gets either physically or mentally... keep going. Take it one day at a time. Because someday.. when I least expect it. I wont have to convince people anymore. I will just truly be happy.