Thoughts about life

Well.... my last post I was trying a new workout thing. Guess Im not very good at the blogging about it part since it has been MONTHS since I was last on here. Just so you know- I liked the 21 Day Fix ha, I ended up doing it for like 4 months.
 Anyway, today Ive just been thinking a lot about life and where life is going. People define SUCCESS in different ways. It is:
  - the attainment of popularity or profit
  - making lots of money
  - not sucking
  - high standing, well paying job
  - free from personal evaluation
Websters Dictionary defines it as "a favorable or desired outcome." So, like I said before... this "outcome" is going to be different for each person you talk to. So how do you know if you have become successful in life? Well- for me I've put a lot of thought into this. I feel like I will be successful in life if:  I have a family who loves me, I can provide for myself and take care of myself, I am happy/ can find happiness everyday. But most of all- I just want to love myself. How can you be successful in life if you dont even know how to love yourself.
 Im working really hard lately on the whole self love thing. I mean really it is the center behind everything in my life. How can I love another if I cant love me. How can I expect someone else to love me if I cant love me. How can I be happy if I cant love me. How can I have self confidence if I cant love me. So basically- I need to learn to fall in love with myself, and just be myself.
                    "Be Who You are- Not Who the World Wants You to Be"
I love this saying. We all wear masks everyday. Well- I know I always felt like I was hiding behind a mask. I felt like I had to always be this person for everyone else's sake. So now Im choosing me. Im choosing my happiness and Im choosing my love. Buttttt that said, its not very easy to do. Its difficult to learn to stop worrying about other people's judgement and just do what you want. But I dont want to live my entire life based on what other people might think. I have this thing I do- if I start feeling like I am going to be judged for something Im wearing or doing; I put myself in someone else's shoes. If I were to see somebody else on the street wearing or doing what I am about to, would I judge them? Most of the time the answer is no.... and sometimes if I find it to be yes then I realize half the time its just cause Im being judgemental and thats even worse. 
I love this picture because it is so true. Stop worrying about everybody else. No matter what you do or who you are somebody out there is always going to be judging you. So just forget about them and do what makes you happy. I have chosen to spend 3 1/2 months traveling New Zealand. No Im not working or going with anybody or anything like that. Yes I am nervous but also sooooo freaking excited. But when I tell others- I see the thoughts and the judgement. People tend to think its a stupid idea, or Im dumb for going alone, or Im wasting my money. Truth is, it doesnt matter what they all think because its not going to change my mind as to whether or not Im going. No matter what they think its not going to change my plans because I am doing what I wanna do. I am choosing me.
       "I got dressed for myself this morning. Put on eyeliner for myself. Put on my favorite
        red lipstick for myself. Showed a bit of skin for myself. I wanted to be beautiful for myself."
I know I always tend to ramble- but I guess basically Im trying to get to this point. Success for many has to do with money. Please people, change your mindset. Its true that all the money in the world wont buy you happiness unless you know what happiness is. And how can you be happy if you dont love and choose yourself first. Im not saying choose yourself in a selfish manor- but choose your happiness before changing who you are to satisfy someone else's happiness. "The Greatest prison people live in is the fear of what other people think."

21 Day Fix

    So my coworker convinced me to try out this new weight loss fab called the 21 Day Fix Challenge Pack. I figured what the heck why not give it a try. So basically what it is is 21 days of portion control, plus 21 days of specific workouts and 21 days of the Shakeology shakes.

This is the exact thing that I ordered. The way it works is you are supposed to eat a certain amounts of each container a day based on what your calorie intake should be.
Green- Vegetables
Purple- Fruit
Red- Protein
Yellow- Carbohydrates
Blue- (Idk ha almonds, hummus)
Orange- dressings
In addition to eating these containers, I also replace breakfast each morning for a Shakeology shake. Starting this out I quickly realized the most difficult part of this entire process was figuring out what to eat and how much of it to eat.

	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
Breakfast	Shakeology Almond Milk Blueberries	Shakeology spinach strawberries almond milk	Shakeology Water Banana Peanut Butter	Shakeology 1/2 tsp cinnamn 1/2 tsp nutmeg almond milk	Shakeology Honey Almond Milk	Shakeology Almond Milk Strawberries Bananas
Snack	Strawberries Almonds	Apples Oatmeal	2 Hard Boiled Eggs Apples Oatmeal	Greek Yogurt Strawberries Blueberries	Almonds Apples	Almonds
Lunch	Spinach cherry tom, cucumbers Chicken Dressing	Grilled Chicken Green Beans Almonds	Grilled Chicken Salad strawberries	Turkey Burger Veggies	Salad cherry tom cucumbers chicken dressing	Turkey Burger Quinoa Sweet Potatoes
Snack	Greek Yogurt Strawberries	Blueberries Greek Yogurt	Almonds	Oatmeal Almonds	2 Hard boiled eggs carrotts	Carrotts Blueberries
Dinner	Tilapia Tacos veggies sweet potato	Stirfry Chicken Brown Rice	Turkey Burger Steamed Veggies Quinoa	Tilapia Tacos Veggies	Steaks Quinoa Sweet Potato Apples	Chicken Ham Swiss Cheese Broccoli

I am currently one week into the 21 day fix and this was my meal plan for the last week. I gave myself a bit of a break on Sunday and ate mostly leftovers from the week and prepared my meals for the next week. One week down! Woo Hoo!! Here is what I have realized:

- This is hard

- I love chocolate

- I love shakes for breakfast

- Its all surprisingly very filling

- It can be difficult to eat the scheduled amounts each day

- Doing the workouts is challenging

IT WORKS!!

So This first week I did the entire thing WITHOUT doing a single workout. I know its bad.... I got sick and well there is no excuse. So one week in and I havent done a single workout. With that said. I am one week in and i have LOST 6 1/2 POUNDS. And that is just from eating right!! Its amazing to see results so quickly. Especially after doing all of this without even working out. Today was day one of my second week of the 21 day fix and I started it out with a workout. I will keep this updated on my meal plans throughout the weeks and the workouts as I do them. I will also update as I (Hopefully) continue to lose weight!! Lets hope this works!!

Happily Ever After

    My whole life Ive been in love with fairy tails. Especially fairy tail romances. I absolutely loved Disney Princess movies and how somehow prince charming was always able to save the princess and take her to a better, happier place. I guess thats what started my obsession with love stories; both real and fake. I wanted a prince charming to come in and whisk me away to some magical, happy, loving place where I no longer had to worry about anything. I kept watching my friends have these awesome love stories; and honestly I dont even know if theyve ever thought about it. But I have. Im always thinking about the love story. Weve got the friend who met her husband in class but wasnt available, and weve got the one where they became absolute best friends who fell in love, theres also the friends who fell in love practically against all odds. I mean these are love stories to me. They are the stories I think about and I want someday. Ive tried to make them happen for me. I mean just about any guy I dated/had a fling with/had a crush on I came up with a story for. Here's just a few to give an idea:
- met dancing but I was taken
- met at a New Years Party
- gave my number to my waiter (that was him)
- we were college neighbors
- he was my best friend that i fell for
Of course - we met on tinder
And you cant forget - we met 4 days before his mission
I know lots of girls think ahead in relationships to what things would be like; and honestly half the time I didnt even really like the guy that much. But that didnt matter. I never could seem to control my mind from coming up with "Our Story." Honestly I have no idea why I do this. And it kinda sucks because no matter how much I do or do not like the guy, when things end (And yes for now I do mean when) its not the guy I tend to miss. Its the story. I miss how great our story could have been. I want a story that when people ask how you two met, their reaction is something along the lines of "awweee thats so cute." I often wonder if guys can sense that maybe Im getting ahead in a relationship or something It always makes me laugh when I hear that line "Im just not ready for anything right now." Truth is your not ready for me. And thats totally fine. Ill get over you.... but as pathetic as it may be... Im going to miss how cute our story could have been. So though I may not get my Prince Charming and have my night at the ball story, I am sure that though it is not in my control nor can I choose how it may happen, I will have my story someday. I will find the story that makes me want to tell it over and over again. Ill have my "awe thats so cute" moments and Ill have it for the rest of my life. Im not sure what the point of all of this was.... but I guess bottom line is people are always saying fairy tails are unrealistic and they will never happen. I only think thats true to a point. I think I can get my Prince Charming and I think that I can be taken to a happier, loving place where Ill have my story to tell the rest of my life.

What if...

So my last post I talked about making Today the Greatest day ever. So now my question is... What if today is not the greatest, farthest from the greatest, in fact, what if today is just a really terrible day? Then what? Some days you wake up, and its a wonderful day just from the start. Sometimes the sky is blue and you are just happy as can be without even having a worry. Sometimes you wake up and the sky is gloomy... you cant find the sun and the joy that comes with it. You tend to just want to lie in your bed and watch TV and focus on how crummy your life may be at that very moment. You cant think about the good. All you can think about in that very instant is how horrible things have become. I've had my fair share of these days... especially recently. When you move to a new town where the only person you know is your Mom... things can be kind of.. well... pathetic. Life can get pathetic and it can really drag you down. Outside of little old Utah its not easy to make new friends. People in the church here have known each other for years and don't seem very interested in meeting somebody new. Outside of the church worlds seem to revolve around alcohol. So trying to keep that temptation out of my mind my abilities to meet new people are very limited. Some people may look at those rough days where I want to stay in bed as me being "depressed." And yes the attitude behind it is very depressing. You feel very low about yourself and the world in those moments. But the truth is... those few days where you let your struggle get the best of you are not the days that label you as being "depressed." The truth is depression is an everyday struggle; not a once every other week struggle.
   I feel like many people don't understand the true side of depression. People see the instance described above and then label someone as being depressed. They may be down and just needing a friend or need some joy in their life but that alone is not what creates depression. Depression is waking up in the morning and having to convince yourself to get out of bed. Not because you want to wallow all day long... but because you cant stand the thought (sometimes) of living through another day. I'm not saying anything about wanting to harm yourself. That side of things is a whole other story. But it is waking up, getting ready, going to work, coming home, and going to bed. Making sure your smiling during the day so people see you and think how happy of a person you are. Sometimes you have to be careful not to over exaggerate happiness so people don't get suspicious. It is engaging in conversations you don't have a care in the world for; only because that's what normal people do. It is going home at night and eating dinner.... not because you're hungry but because you know your body needs you to. Its going to the gym and out to dinner and doing whatever you need to so the people around you don't worry. Its pushing through the pain, pushing through the scars just to make it through another day. At the end of the night, you lie in bed and think "yes one more day down." You cant think too much of tomorrow because its too overwhelming. All you can think about is today. You made it through today! Congratulations. There are different kinds of depression. For me... its the kind where as long as I do everything the way I think it should be done. Nobody will ever know. Not unless I want them to. But deep down I know Ill  be okay. As long as I just keep going. Keep taking it one day at a time. As long as I keep this up I can be okay. So the answer to my own question is... when today is not the greatest, farthest from the greatest, just really terrible day.... keep on going. No matter what you are dealing with now. No matter how hard life gets either physically or mentally... keep going. Take it one day at a time. Because someday.. when I least expect it. I wont have to convince people anymore. I will just truly be happy.

Today is the Greatest

"Today is the greatest... day I've ever known. Can't wait for tomorrow.. I might not have that long."- Smashing Pumpkins

   I heard this song for the first time forever ago.. I honestly cant remember when I first heard it. The other day I was driving home from kind of a rough day of work and it came on the radio. First thing I thought was "How do I know this song?" Then I started really listening to the words and I couldn't help but smile. I moved back home for a few months and its been probably the hardest transition I've ever had to endure. It was not something I ever really planned on doing and have found myself focusing a lot on the struggles I've faced during this time.
   Since this song came on the radio a few days ago, I haven't been able to get it out of my mind. And now I know why. This song talks about the Greatest Day I've Ever Known... so what was mine? What day in my short 21 years of living is the greatest day I've ever known? Was it that time in High School when Michelle and I ditched class and broke into my house just to eat some brownies? Was it the day my dad took my sister and I to Mesa Verde and we went horse back riding and visited the ruins? Or the many dance parties Emily and I had in my bedroom...Was it sitting around a campfire playing and listening to music or 4 wheeling up the mountain yelling ridiculous things with my friends? Was my greatest day that date I went on with that boy or the day I climbed Stairway to Heaven or what about that time one summer we spent on the boat?
   I've been thinking a lot about what the greatest day of my short life has been so far. And trying to figure this out has taught me one important thing. I don't have that Greatest Day ever that I can pinpoint and always look back on. Instead I have a summer where I met some of my closest friends, I have massage school where I met some truly amazing people, I have those crazy spontaneous adventures and crazy  memories with my wonderful family. I've been blessed to not just have one truly great day, but to have many. They are all too special to me for different reasons to be able to pinpoint one day that stood out from them all. There is still a chance that day may someday come, and when it does I hope Ill be able to recognize it. But for now I'm choosing to live each day as the greatest. I'm choosing to make a memory each day to make it great in its own special way. Because if one thing I've learned throughout my life its that things can change in an instant. People who were once a part of your life may leave, Places you once called home may change, and friends move on. So we cant waste a single second of it. We cant wait till tomorrow... because its true, it may never come. I challenge you to think what your greatest day is and I hope that in the process, like me, you may find how truly blessed you are.

Life is Short

 This morning I received some terrible news that my dear cousin Taylor Leonard and her boyfriend Nathan were in a tragic car accident that resulted in his immediate death and her being rushed to the ICU. Early this afternoon, Taylor's organs were failing and she was pronounced brain dead. It was devastating but her family made the decision to to let her go. Taylor was such a sweet amazing girl and she will be so missed. I didnt know her too well and wasnt incredibly close to her, but what I did know was that she was smart, funny, kind, loving, accepting, and very welcoming of me and my family into hers. I wish I had the chance to get to know Taylor a little better. She is only about 3 weeks younger than me. It is crazy to realize how quickly life can change. We must not take a single moment of it for granted. 
 Today has really gotten me thinking about my life and all of the things I overlook. Like how much I love and cherish my family, how important the gospel is in our lives, how great of friends I have, and how much I am grateful to wake up each day and make it through the day.
  "Life is short. Hug the people you love, the people you want to love, and the people you are supposed to       love." 

Dearest Taylor and Nathan: Rest in Peace <3

 

Ive realized today the things that I need to work on in my life. I dont want to do anything that if something were to happen to me or someone Im close to one day that I would regret my decisions earlier. Sometimes it takes a tragedy to make you realize how important your life is and how much you need to remember that it is short and you need to live each day to the fullest :) Love you Taylor and my prayers and love go out to the family.  I look forward to the day we are reunited and until then I will live peacefully knowing you are watching out for us all above! RIP

Changing of the Seasons

Well Spring Break has come and gone and as of yesterday March 20th it is officially SPRING! So Spring Break was kind of the best thing ever in my life haha I got to go visit Brooke is Hawaii for an entire week. It was so great to be able to spend the time with her. We went to the beach... a lot ha and got totally fried. We got to go shopping and eat lots of McDonalds ha and we met fun random guys and got to climb the Stairway to Heaven. It was honestly so amazing. I cant even imagine attempting to explain how perfect the scenery was. I can show pictures, but even that wont do any justice! Its okay though.... Ill see if I can still manage to make some of you jealous :)

This is the view from the top of the Stairway to Heaven. It was absolutely breathtaking. I am so glad we were able to do this while I was there. Hardest hike Ive ever done but honestly so incredibly worth it.

Me and the good ol Bestie having a fun little photo shoot :)

Brooke and I about halfway up the mountain doing Stairway to Heaven

Almost to the bottom of the mountain and looking up. Its insane to see how high up we went and all of the stairs.

Best Shaved Ice in Hawaii

I thought it was so funny how many chickens were just wandering around everywhere. And to think that my mom and Wayne went out and bought and raised some :)

Too much fun playing in the sand.

Our fun photo shoot!! Brooke is quite the photographer

Took Brooke to dinner at Turtle Bay: Lei Lei's all the way baby :)

More fun pics

hahahaha we decided to have fun with these really freaky stairs we had to hike up

Almost to the top

This temple is seriously so incredibly beautiful!!

I got hit by a friggin Big Gulp drink!!! Locals can be mean!!

Just Ms. Beckstead and I chillin at the beach watching hot surfers

Okay... you cant look at this and still tell me that it doesnt look terrifying!!! But definitely worth it. I think I would do it again. I think I would definitely do this entire trip again :) Thanks Brookie for letting me come stay with you!! <3

Happy Happy Happy

Well today has seriously just been a great day! For starters... HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROOKE BECKSTEAD!! My best friend is 20 years old today (getting ancient I know). Cant wait to be able to celebrate with her in just a few days!
    On another note ha.. I got a new job! Im now working as a CNA at Williamsburg Assisted Living. And so far I absolutely love it. The residents are so freaking adorable and they just make me so happy! As of right now at least... I love going to work haha. Hopefully I can keep that attitude for a while. Working two jobs is a little exhausting! Today is the first day all week I could sleep in and relax a bit! It feels great in case anyone was wondering :) I dont even know what else to write... pretty much just that this last week has been amazing and I just love life right now! Love you all too <3

Waiting for the Finish Line

So as many of you know I have had my CNA for about 2 years now. I have tried hard to get a job but it is just difficult here in Logan, UT. Anyway, the time has finally come and I have finally gotten a job working at a retirement home. I am seriously so excited. This is one of those moments where you get to thinking and I just realized that sometimes it is worth the wait. There is a reason why it took me until now to finally get this job. I know that I needed to go through the experiences that I did leading up to this occasion. I know that this happens with anything you are waiting for in life. When it comes to waiting for love, it is worth the wait to not settle and let your heart go to someone who truly deserves you. When it comes to school, there is no need to rush through your education. Take your time to get your degree that wait could be worth it in the end. Waiting sometimes can be a huge blessing. I know that it was for me today. Someone posted this on facebook today and I really liked it.  This is so true. Sometimes we need to take that time to not think constantly of what it is we are waiting for and just focus more on what we need to do before we get there. It is not the finish line we should be so worried about, it is the road that leads us there that really should take up most of our concern. Learn to enjoy life and enjoy those waiting moments. Because when the wait is over. When that one thing you can check off your list is done. Then, then it was all worth it. I know to many people me getting this job really doesnt seem like that big of a deal. But its just one of those little examples of how the wait can be worth it and can be such a huge blessing. So dont just stare at the finish line focusing on how far away it is. Look at the road ahead and take each moment step by step. As my favorite Christmas Movie says "Just put one foot in front of the other." <3

Its a Good Life

So today is Valentines Day. As today slowly approached I wasnt too thrilled about it. Nobody ever wants that lonely reminder that their single. But tonight, as I should be doing my math homework and studying for my test tomorrow :/ All I can seem to do is reflect on how grateful I am for all of the many people I have surrounding me. Today is my thankful day. Because as I look at who I love in my life... I think of these folks.  My little sissy Emma: a.k.a. Ed, Emster, Emma Lou, Lou Bear, Edna. Whatever we call her she is always her beautiful loving self. I am so thankful everyday for the love I feel for this little girl! Well not so little anymore. She is driving now and I am shocked at how fast she is growing. No matter how old she gets she will always be my little sister, crossing the street with a blind man and smacking random ladies bums in Target. This is one amazing girl who seriously is growing into a woman I seriously admire :) Thank you Emma for being so great and always being you <3
 Missy Kaye Bevan!! Weve gone through our ups and downs but in the end that all doesnt matter anymore. She is such an amazing girl and one who has ALWAYS been there for me. Shes accepted me for who I am and never tried to turn me into someone else. She really has been my rock for the last 2 years that I have known her. Des Moines, Iowa is seriously going to be getting their hands full with this one for the next 18 months. I honestly could not imagine a better missionary. Cause she has been the best example to me and I couldnt ask for a better friend!
 Well this picture just says it all about the Baumans :) Love them and their friendship to me for the last few years... even when theyve been married! They are so much fun and are always there to listen to my drama, problems, and gossip. Their there to give me a hug when I need it and laugh when Im being stupid. Best couple I know <3
 Well Ive already done a whole post on this little gem but I am thankful for her today. And am so happy for her as she is about to embark on her own marriage here soon. Thank you Angela for your AMAZING friendship for the last 17 years. Time truly does fly but I am glad to have had you by my side all this time!
 Ms. Brooke Beckstead is seriously the greatest! Miss her so much while she is away in Hawaii. But so thankful for phones cause I dont know what I would do if I could not talk to her on a regular basis. She is by far my rock and it will always freak me out the way we seem to be going through the same situations at the same time. I am so thankful for our times together and look forward to having her back by my side this summer :)
 Well this is my family. The entire family believe it or not! I honestly dont think I can put in words right here how much I love them all and how much I am thankful for them! They are all so amazing and I dont know what I would do without them. Thank you for dealing with me and always being there for me! I seriously have the most amazing family and couldnt ever ask for anything or anyone better!
 Ive been so blessed throughout my life to not just have my family, but I have my non family (my friends). To me its all family. Because those close girlfriends are just the sisters that God wasnt able to give me. So they became my friends. We fight, we disagree, we dont speak at times, but we always love one another and support eachother. So Happy Valentines Day to all of you! Today just would not be the same if I didnt have you in my life :)

A Day of No Love....

Oh Valentines Day.... what a day this is. Well I know how I prefer to spend this romantic holiday! With my best friend some sappy movies and work. I know Im a sucker for the romance. In all reality Im not against this holiday, but Im not for it either. I just hate the fact that as much as nobody wants it to it is "Single Awareness Day." Like Hello World! I have no plans on Valentines Day because I dont have any Love Interest. Its depressing. And then there are the couples... I mean isnt this what anniversaries are for? The one day a year you can be all sappy and lovey dovey? I just dont really get the whole point of Valentines Day.
                                                    
All that I can seem to think about is how I need to remember to not try and rush things. Even on these days when you are forced to realize that at this current moment you dont have a certain someone.... you are never alone. I love this saying above. Since I was a little girl I grew up dancing with my dad, you know when he puts you on his toes. So when I read this I cant help but think of Heavenly Father as just that, my father. And Im his little girl dancing on his toes not ready to let go. I am his little girl and though he watches me go through many different heart breaks and trials, i believe he will let the Perfect man cut in. I believe that someday someone will walk into my life and then I will realize why it never worked out with anyone else. Today... on the day of lonely hearts, Ill cuddle up with my 3 Valentines: Netflix, Chocolates, and my Sweats. And I wont be sad. The only reason why I wont be sad is because I know that there will be a time here someday soon when I wont have to have those as my Valentines. Because when the right time comes:  It will find a way. Heavenly Father will make sure of this. "Love is Patient, Love is Kind, it does not envy it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves." 1 Corinthians 13:4
Happy Valentines Day Everyone. And dont let today get you down <3

Its beginning to look a lot like.... SNOW!

I think I would be under exaggerating if I were to say its just been snowing. It has been a practical blizzard outside. It wasnt that great at first when I was having to dig my car out from the snow... but now its just beautiful and I love it! Walking around on campus today I couldnt help but stop and take some pictures. I love living in a place where it is covered in a white blanket like here in Cache Valley. Heavenly Father has blessed me so much and I love that I live in the middle of his paint canvas. 

My beautiful walk home today from campus! I just love the trees covered in snow. 

Old Main is the prettiest building in all of campus. I just cant get over how pretty it is with the snow and the trees. Everything is just covered in snow and I love it!

My amazing house! I just want to go play in the snow all day long. Dying to go make a snowman and my own personal snow igloo :)

"Happiness will never come to those who dont appreciate what they already have."

Here come the Wedding Bells!

Well, I always knew that this day would be coming but didnt quite expect it to be so soon! My best friend... the girl who Ive known since I was 2 years old.... the girl who has been there for me through the thick and thin is getting MARRIED!!!! I wasnt quite sure how to react to this at first.... a little upset I guess that I didnt get that special phone call. I was scared that I was losing my best friend. But all I wanted was to be excited for her. Its not everyday your best friend gets engaged! I was able to talk to her today and get the full story and what not. I am so incredibly happy for her. I honestly can not wait for the day that I am able to find my special someone and share this experience with her. On a happy note, Ill get to have my best friend there in the temple with me someday :) Seems like just yesterday we were playing barbies in the basement, making music videos, dressing up like boys, having dance parties, playing house, and thinking we were celebrities! Now hopefully her finance knows what hes getting! Well, I guess in the end I am so excited for Angela and Ryan! Love them both so very much. And am excited to go through this journey with them <3

The Goodbyes That Cant be Said

Ive never really been one to say goodbye. "See Ya Later" or "Talk to you soon" seem to be easier than that dreadful "Goodbye." Ive said those words too many times and its not something I take lightly. Ive said it to past family members, to boyfriends, best friends, and even parts of myself. Its hard to say goodbye but its worth it when you watch the countless doors swing open to say HELLO! I always heard that "The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said." This is true. Closure is a much needed part of life. Its not always easy to get though. Why is it that when it is time to say those hard words, most people arent quite sure why they are even saying them in the first place. Ive let my self worth come from those people Ive surrounded myself with. Not anymore. Im done with saying goodbye to the people I love. So... To my many close friends leaving on missions, Ill see you in 18 months. To my friends getting married, Ill see you once Ive got my somebody. To the people who wish to no longer be apart of my life, Ill wave to you in hell! :) I am so thankful for the doors that have swung open for me in the last 6 months. I have met the boy that I want to wait for and marry someday. I have met the best girls and have the privilege of living with them. I have grown closer to my family and I have realized the type of person I want to be. So Thank you. Thanks for the Goodbyes because they have only welcomed the Hellos.

Oh such a terrible picture but I seriously LOVE this girl and dont know what I would ever have done without her. She is seriously one of the most amazing, strongest girls ive ever known :) Love Linsey so much!!!

My amazing sisters! Theyll never know how much I miss them. I am so thankful for their amazing example to me <3

Oh just my bestie Ms. Brooke Beckstead!! So ready for her to come back from Hawaii!!

Its Me!

Well what can I say on here? I dont have the most amazing life but I try to keep things as drama free as possible which seems for some reason to be pretty difficult. Its weird really as much as I hate drama, it seems to find me wherever I go. I go on a date with a new guy to get over the old one only to run into the old one on the date! I mean seriously in what normal world does this type of stuff happen to people? Im headed off to Mesquite for the weekend with my friends Melanie, Justin and Brennan. I hope it all goes well. I know how these sort of trips can go and I just hope nothing unplanned goes on. Two girls and two guys can tend to get a little interesting. Oh well. I am searching EVERYWHERE for a freaking job. It is literally impossible to find something where I live. It is so hard right now. Ive considered moving back home if I cant seem to find a job soon but I really dont want to have to resort to that. I do not want to leave Logan I love it here. Its weird watching all of my close friends get engaged and married. I feel way too young to be having this happen. I am so no where near ready to get married so its so weird feeling like my time is coming soon. I just want a fun relationship with someone to want and care for me and someone who wont hurt me. I know that sounds like marriage but Im not saying I want that relationship to last forever. Idk I get bored with guys a lot so Im so not ready for marriage haha. Idk what Im trying to say though. I think Im just rambling at this point haha Guess that should be all for now. Wish me luck this weekend!