My whole life Ive been in love with fairy tails. Especially fairy tail romances. I absolutely loved Disney Princess movies and how somehow prince charming was always able to save the princess and take her to a better, happier place. I guess thats what started my obsession with love stories; both real and fake. I wanted a prince charming to come in and whisk me away to some magical, happy, loving place where I no longer had to worry about anything. I kept watching my friends have these awesome love stories; and honestly I dont even know if theyve ever thought about it. But I have. Im always thinking about the love story. Weve got the friend who met her husband in class but wasnt available, and weve got the one where they became absolute best friends who fell in love, theres also the friends who fell in love practically against all odds. I mean these are love stories to me. They are the stories I think about and I want someday. Ive tried to make them happen for me. I mean just about any guy I dated/had a fling with/had a crush on I came up with a story for. Here's just a few to give an idea:
- met dancing but I was taken
- met at a New Years Party
- gave my number to my waiter (that was him)
- we were college neighbors
- he was my best friend that i fell for
Of course - we met on tinder
And you cant forget - we met 4 days before his mission
I know lots of girls think ahead in relationships to what things would be like; and honestly half the time I didnt even really like the guy that much. But that didnt matter. I never could seem to control my mind from coming up with "Our Story." Honestly I have no idea why I do this. And it kinda sucks because no matter how much I do or do not like the guy, when things end (And yes for now I do mean when) its not the guy I tend to miss. Its the story. I miss how great our story could have been. I want a story that when people ask how you two met, their reaction is something along the lines of "awweee thats so cute." I often wonder if guys can sense that maybe Im getting ahead in a relationship or something It always makes me laugh when I hear that line "Im just not ready for anything right now." Truth is your not ready for me. And thats totally fine. Ill get over you.... but as pathetic as it may be... Im going to miss how cute our story could have been. So though I may not get my Prince Charming and have my night at the ball story, I am sure that though it is not in my control nor can I choose how it may happen, I will have my story someday. I will find the story that makes me want to tell it over and over again. Ill have my "awe thats so cute" moments and Ill have it for the rest of my life. Im not sure what the point of all of this was.... but I guess bottom line is people are always saying fairy tails are unrealistic and they will never happen. I only think thats true to a point. I think I can get my Prince Charming and I think that I can be taken to a happier, loving place where Ill have my story to tell the rest of my life.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Monday, November 10, 2014
What if...
So my last post I talked about making Today the Greatest day ever. So now my question is... What if today is not the greatest, farthest from the greatest, in fact, what if today is just a really terrible day? Then what? Some days you wake up, and its a wonderful day just from the start. Sometimes the sky is blue and you are just happy as can be without even having a worry. Sometimes you wake up and the sky is gloomy... you cant find the sun and the joy that comes with it. You tend to just want to lie in your bed and watch TV and focus on how crummy your life may be at that very moment. You cant think about the good. All you can think about in that very instant is how horrible things have become. I've had my fair share of these days... especially recently. When you move to a new town where the only person you know is your Mom... things can be kind of.. well... pathetic. Life can get pathetic and it can really drag you down. Outside of little old Utah its not easy to make new friends. People in the church here have known each other for years and don't seem very interested in meeting somebody new. Outside of the church worlds seem to revolve around alcohol. So trying to keep that temptation out of my mind my abilities to meet new people are very limited. Some people may look at those rough days where I want to stay in bed as me being "depressed." And yes the attitude behind it is very depressing. You feel very low about yourself and the world in those moments. But the truth is... those few days where you let your struggle get the best of you are not the days that label you as being "depressed." The truth is depression is an everyday struggle; not a once every other week struggle.
I feel like many people don't understand the true side of depression. People see the instance described above and then label someone as being depressed. They may be down and just needing a friend or need some joy in their life but that alone is not what creates depression. Depression is waking up in the morning and having to convince yourself to get out of bed. Not because you want to wallow all day long... but because you cant stand the thought (sometimes) of living through another day. I'm not saying anything about wanting to harm yourself. That side of things is a whole other story. But it is waking up, getting ready, going to work, coming home, and going to bed. Making sure your smiling during the day so people see you and think how happy of a person you are. Sometimes you have to be careful not to over exaggerate happiness so people don't get suspicious. It is engaging in conversations you don't have a care in the world for; only because that's what normal people do. It is going home at night and eating dinner.... not because you're hungry but because you know your body needs you to. Its going to the gym and out to dinner and doing whatever you need to so the people around you don't worry. Its pushing through the pain, pushing through the scars just to make it through another day. At the end of the night, you lie in bed and think "yes one more day down." You cant think too much of tomorrow because its too overwhelming. All you can think about is today. You made it through today! Congratulations. There are different kinds of depression. For me... its the kind where as long as I do everything the way I think it should be done. Nobody will ever know. Not unless I want them to. But deep down I know Ill be okay. As long as I just keep going. Keep taking it one day at a time. As long as I keep this up I can be okay. So the answer to my own question is... when today is not the greatest, farthest from the greatest, just really terrible day.... keep on going. No matter what you are dealing with now. No matter how hard life gets either physically or mentally... keep going. Take it one day at a time. Because someday.. when I least expect it. I wont have to convince people anymore. I will just truly be happy.
I feel like many people don't understand the true side of depression. People see the instance described above and then label someone as being depressed. They may be down and just needing a friend or need some joy in their life but that alone is not what creates depression. Depression is waking up in the morning and having to convince yourself to get out of bed. Not because you want to wallow all day long... but because you cant stand the thought (sometimes) of living through another day. I'm not saying anything about wanting to harm yourself. That side of things is a whole other story. But it is waking up, getting ready, going to work, coming home, and going to bed. Making sure your smiling during the day so people see you and think how happy of a person you are. Sometimes you have to be careful not to over exaggerate happiness so people don't get suspicious. It is engaging in conversations you don't have a care in the world for; only because that's what normal people do. It is going home at night and eating dinner.... not because you're hungry but because you know your body needs you to. Its going to the gym and out to dinner and doing whatever you need to so the people around you don't worry. Its pushing through the pain, pushing through the scars just to make it through another day. At the end of the night, you lie in bed and think "yes one more day down." You cant think too much of tomorrow because its too overwhelming. All you can think about is today. You made it through today! Congratulations. There are different kinds of depression. For me... its the kind where as long as I do everything the way I think it should be done. Nobody will ever know. Not unless I want them to. But deep down I know Ill be okay. As long as I just keep going. Keep taking it one day at a time. As long as I keep this up I can be okay. So the answer to my own question is... when today is not the greatest, farthest from the greatest, just really terrible day.... keep on going. No matter what you are dealing with now. No matter how hard life gets either physically or mentally... keep going. Take it one day at a time. Because someday.. when I least expect it. I wont have to convince people anymore. I will just truly be happy.
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